A message from Sandy. Beliefs. They’re only valid when they belong to us. Beliefs can be positive or self-limiting, and possibly dangerous at times. Our environment, schooling, friends and experiences shape our belief system. Since these factors are unique, no two people on this planet share identical beliefs. For this reason it is important to learn to communicate effectively with those who  hold a different perspective than our own.

Insensitive to Sensitivity

Some people think we have a dilemma in our society–that people are overly sensitive. Yet those same people will act insensitively towards others. We all have our different beliefs and what is true for you, is not necessarily truth for everyone else. Consider this–beliefs are like children: they’re only important when they’re our own.

Changing Opinion

Should we challenge other’s beliefs? Why would we? Usually to bring about a change of opinion. Some beliefs should be challenged, others should not. Change is certainly an important part of our evolution, but we must think about change “subjectively.”  We assume that who and what we are is the  ”right” way to be, and so we have the right to change others. Is change even possible for long held beliefs? If we want something to be true, we will seek information that agrees with our already held belief. If you go to church every Sunday, as you have all your life, would anything convince you to stop? If you have kids, could anyone convince you that your children are not special?  No matter what the argument or evidence, people will unlikely change their beliefs.

Rather than have a lose lose situation with someone, isn’t it better to just agree to disagree? Human respect and positive interactivity is more important than anything else. If you agree with this statement, you will pick your battles wisely. Respect is a word that is thrown around casually. Think about the last one or two unpleasant encounters you have had with someone, would these encounters have been so ugly if there was mutual respect toward one another? There are more important things than winning an argument. Can we always remember that……….I’m not sure.

When to Challenge?

Challenging long held beliefs can be like navigating a minefield. Have we ever changed our beliefs overnight because of a challenging conversation with a friend? Probably not, so we should expect the same will be true for others. There are times of course when we should challenge the beliefs of others. You should exercise this opportunity only when a belief is limiting the life-experience of another individual. Be it self-doubt, shyness, fear, or rejection–it is a noble gesture to help someone overcome self-limiting beliefs. Next: some techniques for discussing beliefs.