GROW

A message from Sandy. Guilt, like worry, is an emotion created by our imaginations following an event, or non-event. It is a feeling that comes when we feel we have not done something, or we feel we have done something badly. It is a feeling that  is generated when we feel dissatisfied with our performance.

Feeling guilty is what happens when we are not taking full responsibility for our actions, or in-actions. That nagging in our heads that tells us , “You have let yourself down, let other people down, that you have failed.” (it’s probably that witch gremlin Gale Guilty–always available to mess with your head.) Whether created by your imagination or not when it transcends into feelings and emotions, guilt is very real.

Why do we feel guilty? Feelings of guilt occur because deep in our subconscious we have become emotionally attached to an event that in some way we feel responsible for. We feel we did something wrong, or we didn’t do enough, or we feel we should have done something.

Do you feel guilty for helping others? Maybe there is someone who should be helping themselves by now, or someone who may only learn without your help, but you can’t help helping them.

Do you sometimes wish you could do more to help? You feel guilty because you don’t think you do enough to help someone.

Do you sometimes feel guilty when things go wrong? Some people feel guilty for everything that goes wrong, regardless of responsibility.

Do you feel guilty if someone tells you they could have done it better? This is a feeling of a lack of ability when you are compared to others.

Do you feel guilty at work, and carry the weight of the world on your shoulders? This can be a common feeling, despite the focus on team responsibility.

In all these cases we can be feeling guilty because of our attachment to a situation, however valid, or responsible we should feel, and now we are punishing ourselves as a result.

Stopping the guilt before it happens.

If we feel guilty because we feel we under-performed in a situation, the way to overcome this feeling is to take responsibility for our actions, not blame. If we sometimes experience  feelings along with our guilt, like butterflies in our stomach, maybe shortness of breath, maybe light-headedness, know them so we can identify them at their beginnings. Treat these symptoms as a positive warning sign for us to remove guilt from our lives forever. When our warning comes, try repeating this,  ”In (whatever the situation was) I did the best that I could with the time, skills, and resources I had available to me, and I have learned from this experience.”  (shut-up Gale!)

Forgive yourself for whatever happened, because you did your best.