To: All Employees
From: Management
Subject: Office conduct during the Christmas season

Effective immediately, employees should keep in mind the following guidelines in compliance with FROLIC (the Federal Revelry Office and Leisure Industry Council aka The Party Planning Committee; who work under the cloak of secrecy) .

Running aluminum foil through the paper shredder to make tinsel is discouraged. Office decorations will be kept to a minimum, no additional sparkle lights—-the doctor is not concerned about the ambiance of the reception room. Line dancing to “Rockin Around The Christmas Tree” will not be tolerated–involving the patients is grounds for dismissal, as is singing “The 12 Days Of Christmas” over and over again.

Playing Jingle Bells on the push-button phone is forbidden. For that matter,  adding Christmas ring tones to your cell phone which plays loudly from the staff lounge is also frowned upon.

Patient requests are not to be filed under “Bah humbug.” Keeping a naughty and nice list has also been banned.

The doctor’s car is not to be used to go over the river and through the woods to any one’s grandma’s house. The only exception to this rule is if you are picking up a late patient—claiming transportation issues.  Otherwise  you are to drive directly to and from work, which means no Starbucks runs either! *GASP*

All fruitcake, stale truffles, and other half eaten undesirable treats are to be consumed BEFORE July 25. (and WHO thinks bringing boxes and boxes of candy to a dental office is a good idea? Aren’t we sending mixed messages to our patients?)

Gift baskets deliveries need to be monitored and some snacks set aside for the February famine. This requires some discretion so chose your representative wisely.

Any employee caught humming Christmas carols, or appearing  ”elf-like” will immediately be questioned. (curly toed shoes are discouraged)

Listening to Christmas music will be limited to 1 hour segments starting only 5 days before Christmas, we don’t want too much of a good thing!

Reindeer Antlers, Santa Hats, Flashing Christmas Tree Headbands and Elf Hats are to be worn only during the morning meetings, then promptly put out of sight.  These fun inducing,  costume-like  pieces will not be tolerated at the front desk or clinical areas as we do not want the patients to think we ever have any fun.

Smiling, giggling, laughing and joking around will be limited to the lunch hour and that of course, has been cut short–(speed eating is a skill to strive for–no whining) while we cram in every patient that has waited until the last minute to come in.

Restroom breaks will be limited during this busy season–plan accordingly, enough said.

Egg nog will NOT be dispensed in vending machines, or be replacing the individual water bottles offered to the patients in the off season.

Lengthy discussions regarding what to wear to the office Holiday party, what fits, what is the most flattering color for you, choice of jewelry, or who you would like to sit next to, and what you will have to eat is strictly prohibited!

In spite of all this, the staff is encouraged to have a Happy Holiday.